Friday, 20 August 2010

not the best few weeks

I'm not one for being overly personal on my blog. I don't like to share too much of the rubbish stuff because, quite frankly, I don't think you want to hear it. This is a place of stitched happiness and the occasional moan about my (beautiful) pesky kids acting up or the weather being annoying (rain - again? *sigh*) but I don't want this sad event to pass without a mention. It will be brief though.

The most influential and important person of my formative years, the one person I would turn to when I needed a hug, or asked advice, or fills the most of my memories was my Nan. The love I had (and still have) for her was overwhelming. She was the one that started my interest in all things crafty/stitched. We would spend Saturday afternoons in front of the open fire sewing, picking out buttons from her (and now my) button tin, trying to teach me how to knit (I managed a couple of pairs of mittens with holes in but never got any better than that).

Her whole life was a struggle, after being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in her 20s she managed to keep it secret until my mum was 40 and still lived much later than was expected of her. In fact I can't count the times I had a phone call from my mum telling me she was most likely close to the end and I should rush down to Suffolk to say goodbye. Almost every time I did she was sat up in bed having a cup of tea by the time I got there. So the real end came as an unbelievable shock a couple of weeks ago and I still don't really believe it.

People say you need to take time and let the grief do as it will. I'm trying. In all honesty I'm not doing too well, I feel a bit like I'm flapping my wings and trying to fly but never reaching great heights. A bit like a chicken with clipped wings.

So this weekend I am going to the Festival of Quilts with a few friends and I might drink too much beer and I might have a cry if one of them asks me if I'm ok in a certain tone of voice. I will most certainly have an excellent laugh and I think my Nan will be quite happy to see that she did a pretty alright job in making me into what I am today. Because I do owe so much to her and I can't thank her enough for that.


62 comments:

Justine said...

I'm so sorry aboout your loss. I can totally understand where you're coming from, though my nan didn't play a part in my crafting she is a huge influence in my life, I spent many summer holidays when I was younger living at her house! She's 90 now and looking frailer by the day. {{hugs}} Justine xx

quiltygal said...

Oh Katy... so sorry for you & your family...I have never had to face the death of a Grandparent as 3 were gone before I was born & the last when I was 2.. but I have had to deal with both my parents...so my heart goes out to you at this sad time but hey 86 years how wonderful that you had her for so long in your adult life ..Hugs XXOO

quiltygal said...

PS: Thanks for sharing this with us thats what friends are for ...even "virtual" ones :)

Jodie said...

Katy, Your nan must be so proud of the woman you are.

A Peppermint Penguin said...

So sorry for your loss. Sound like you whooping it up at a sewing event would be something she'd smile on. Go for it and have the best time you can.

Cheers,
AJ

Shellie said...

so sorry to hear, Katy. drink LOTS of beer and feel better soon!

S

comfortstitching said...

So sorry for your loss Katy.
I'm sure she is still sending you hugs from up high x

Sudi-Laura said...

Great giant hugs to you Dear Katy! May time with friends, quilty goodness, and a few (lots) drinks guide you towards peace!

stitchinpenny said...

Please take time to laugh because of wonderful memories, cry at the loss of opportunity to make new memories and begin to plan ways to keep your memories freah and deserving of such a wonderful lady. I wish for you many happy moments, a few overwhelming moments and a life that incorporates your love for your Nan into doing good things.

Sarah Craig said...

Grandmothers are so special, aren't they? Mine also guided me into crafting -and there's not a day that goes by, even now, six years after she passed on, that I don't think of her! It will get easier, and after a while, it will be like a good friend sitting at your elbow while you do those familiar tasks - reminding you the right way to do something, or marveling as you find a new, easier way to do something.

I'll keep you in my prayers!

Bianca Jae Makes Stuff said...

Oh Katty, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Nana's have such special souls. And Jodie is right, she would be so proud of you. Take care xox

Kaye Prince said...

I'm so sorry Katy! Keep your chin up darling - I'm sure she was very proud of the woman you have become.

Gale, Ky quilter said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your Nan sounds like a wonderful lady. Having lost my grandfather many years ago there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and all the wonderful things he taught me but especially the time and patience he had for me. I've read "tears are words the heart can't express". My thoughts are with you.

Michele said...

So sorry. What wonderful memories you'll always have.

trash said...

Oh Katy, I am sorry. We shall raise a teacup to her on Saturday, yes.

Kerry said...

Your words are a beautiful tribute to her

tong said...

so sorry for your loss! i lost my grandmother a few years ago, and she was the most important person in my life too. i still think of her all the time, just like you will think of you Nan, and that's how they will live on forever.

Barb said...

Hugs...

megan said...

I'm so terribly sorry. But I'm glad you shared, I think it is best to get support all around you during these times, even from folks you haven't met. How wonderful to have such an influential lady to teach you crafty things. My gram didn't live long enough to see me leave my teenage angst phase and appreciate all the stitchy stuff I love so much now. Your gram must've been so proud!

Florence said...

I'm so sorry, Katy.

I hope the festival of quilts goes some way to temporarily bolstering your spirits and helping you feel a bit more like yourself.

Much love,
Florence x

Mary C said...

thanks so much for sharing - hope you feel better soon; your weekend plans sound like the right thing to do

Sara said...

So sorry about your loss and may God be with you and your friends give you lots of hugs and support.

Jessica said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Poppyprint said...

Katy, that was beautifully written. I am very touched by the love you had for your Nan and am truly sorry for your loss. It sounds like she'll never be far from you....
hugs,
Krista

Apryl said...

*hugs* I'm sure she was a wonderful amazing woman because you are one of the most amazing women I know...I'm sorry for your loss and am glad you are going to FofQ with some lovely crafty friends who will be there for you to cry on and oggle fabrics with.

I'm here if you ever need to blubber at me...

Darci said...

Oh goodness Katy that totally sucks! This is my total fear with my Mom I call her for sewing advice and help all the time and I don't know what I would do without her and constantly fear the day that she will no longer be here. Hang in there! xoxoxox

Isa said...

I'm so sorry for you! In time the pain will get smaller, I promise.
Big hugs.

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss Katy. Your Nan sounds like she was a wonderful lady.
cindy

wonderwoman said...

am so sorry to hear your sad news - she sounds like an amazing lady.

xx

Nova said...

(((((hugs))))) to you. xxx

Kellie said...

awww Katy, your love for your nan comes shining through, and every stitch you make is a homage to her memory. She sounds like an awesome woman and to have had her love and influence in your life all this time is such a precious gift. get drunk, let the tears flow, losing great love sucks (((((hugs))))).

mo said...

I am so sorry. There is just nothing easy about any of this but how wonderful to have had such a wonderful woman in your life.

One Flew Over said...

I will have a few wines for you and your gran xx

x vInTaGe VioLeT x said...

oh i'm sorry to hear this Katy - i know that it comes as a terrible shock even when you are expecting it - i'm sure the grief is very raw right now but it will get a little better day by day until it's just that gentle ache of missing her xxx

Jane's Fabrics and Quilts said...

Oh Katy, I am so very sorry, I did not have my grandparents for a long time in my life, I am now a grandmother and my grandson is 17 months old, I so hope he will remember as you do how much I love him and I hope as your Nan did I will have an impact on his life. Katy she is so proud of you and her love will always be there.

jacquie said...

i'm so sorry, katy. i know it's hard right now, but try to remember all the joy she gave you. she's watching you and she's proud!

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

Share about losing special people in your life and enjoy the memories.

Georgia said...

Oh Katy, I'm so sorry to read this. Losing people that you love is a really difficult thing - something I know all too well I'm afraid. One day at a time.
xxx

Angelina S. said...

I don't know what to say other than I'm really sorry. I know there's really nothing that can comfort you right now. Hopefully knowing there are lots of people out there wishing you well helps a wee bit. Have a good laugh, & perhaps a cry, with your friends.

amy smart said...

Aww, wonderful Katy. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your Nan is so proud of the woman that you are. I know she'll be with you always - you'll feel her close by when you need her most. Big hugs.

bellsjo said...

Sorry for you loss - grandmas are such a special type of person. They love you with the same unconditional love your mum has for you but have the time and space to spoil you more and do the 'fun' bits of parenting! I am so glad you were able to know your nan so well and spend such lovely times with her but sorry that it had to end.
Have lots of fun at the F of Q - I went on Thursday and it was fab! There is a new 'rabbit and bee' quilt. I think it is by the same quilter and is another inspired piece of amazing sewing and 'interesting' subject matter. I will say no more - I don't want to spoil the surprise!

Marit said...

Sorry for your loss, Katy - she sounds like a great woman. And I am sure you learned a lot from her, and will bring that with you and pass it on.

Jane said...

Sorry to hear your sad news Katy and sorry its been so long since my last comment too. I'm sure your Gran will be with you in heart and mind having a lovely time at the Quilt show. It will take time to come to terms with her passing. But the happy memories will sustain you through the years. My Gran died 18 years ago and the memories still surface usually triggered by something i've seen or am doing. I now share them with my girls and Granny's button tin often reminds me of our sewing and knitting together. Hope you have a good weekend Jane

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your Nan. Don't bottle it in that would be more painful. I don't think your Nan would want you feeling that way. Have a good cry. It might make you feel better. A little but better. Hugs!
Doe-

Lorraine said...

So sorry Katy .. Nans are very special .
She will be there in your heart & in your hands xxxx

Jeannette said...

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I certainly understand how you feel. However, she will always be such a part of you in the things you make.

bloominworkshop said...

What a sweet remembrance of your Nan. Sending hugs and wishing you a beautiful weekend with friends and quilts.

monda-loves said...

I'm sure I can't say anything to make you feel better so I'll just send hugs to you \o/
Hope you enjoyed the FoQ.

Monda
x

alobsiger said...

Katy, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Nan. What wonderful memories and the bond you shared with her. I'll be thinking of you. XOXOXOXOXO

Lizzet said...

Katy
I am very sorry for your loss. I hope last weekend helped you a bit, I am sure it is not easy and it the gap will always be there, but the time you spend with her and all the knowledge passed to you is priceless and perhaps it will be one of the things that will help you to feel a bit better.
((((hugs))))

Love

Lizzet

Tracey said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how proud she was of you, not only in your daily life, but especially in your craftiness. You are in my thoughts!!

Isisjem said...

So sorry for your loss. That was a lovely blog tribute and you'll carry her always in your heart, your cherished memories and every stitch you make x

Paloma said...

I hope you feel better soon...If you posted it must be that the pain is pretty umbearable. A big hug to you from a friend far away Michigan.

Anonymous said...

Aww Katie, big love to you sweetheart. It is the first time I have been to your blog in a while, and it made me cry, I lost my nan just before Bluebelle was born, she was a fighter like yours. Heres hoping you enjoy the quilt fest and have a beer for your nan, sending you all my best wishes and big hugs, much love Tallulah <3

Hells said...

So sorry for your loss. 10 years since I lost my nan - I still chat to her in the 'craft' room where her picture looks down upon me. I still cry every Christmas and whenever someone's nan passes away. You have made her proud and she obviously bestowed you with s strength of spirit as well as a love of stitching. Brilliant legacies which will live on. Raise a glass, have a smile and shed a tear (or hundred).
love
Hells

dottycookie said...

I've been away and am only just catching up on blogs - but I had to say that I am so sorry to hear your sad news, and I send you virtual hugs.

amandajean said...

i'm so sorry for your loss. hugs to you, my dear!

Sew Create It - Jane said...

So sorry to read about your loss...my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. ((HUGS))

Locket Pocket said...

Oh Katy, your nan sounds like my wonderful Granny who was my very best friend - and who I was lucky enough to have living in a Cottage in our garden from when I was 7. Sadly she died 5 years ago aged 99 and a half and I still miss her - but it's a "happy missing" now because all my memories of her are so lovely. I hope you get to that stage soon too. lots of love Lucy xx

savvy stitch said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandma sounds like a special lady.

alexia said...

I'm so sorry you lost your nan. I lost my grandmother this summer and it has been so hard, but gets easier. best, alexia

jmbmommy said...

Sadness. I am thinking of you.

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