Saturday, 30 April 2011

my opinions are mine and mine alone

I spend a lot of time on twitter chatting to people that I call friends that I met through blogging and the online communities of flickr and so on. Just recently there has been a lot of chat on the recent bitchiness and downright nastiness that has been going on within this online community that we are all part of.

ooooh - happy mail box!

I'm not a huge fan of definitions or pigeon holing. I understand it helps define what something or someone is but as a case in point I'm a contradiction - I'm a University educated mother of 2, married, well spoken, middle class (if you must). Put me in a suit and I look like any well heeled working woman. Put me in a vest top and I get stared at. I am used to people coming up to me and telling me to my face that I'll hate the tattoos that cover both of my arms when I'm 70. My reply is that I'm more likely to hate every other part of me when I'm 70 and at least my arms will be pretty to look at. I get a lot of muttering behind my back, I get a lot of disapproving looks as if to say I am setting a bad example to my children being so heavily tattooed. Despite the fact that they have no idea of what kind of parent I am or how traditional in my role as a wife and mother. It is assumed I must be a little bit rough, a little bit wrong and my kids must be tearaways. My husband is an even better case in point - he's big, he's got a shaven head, he's pretty much covered in tattoos. He looks like he could handle himself in a fight. Truth is - he's never done drugs, never smoked, never drinks (never has done), has manicures and facials, his best friend is the lint roller, and if someone tried to hit him he'd run away, he was at an incredibly posh boarding school until he was 13 and has been privately educated his whole school life. Both of us prefer to stay in and drink cups of tea and watch a bit of TV than go out causing a riot. Why do people feel the need to assume and judge on appearances? 

So, what's my point? I feel the same way about quilting, sewing, crafting, designing - all of this that we do. We do it because we love it.  We are all different, no-one is right or wrong, no-one is better or worse in their opinions. We cannot assume things about people's lives because of the photos they share. We share photos for whatever reason - we probably want to keep a record of them for ourselves, we most likely want to share with our friends, we may want to make new friends, we might hope to make a little pocket money from sponsors, or maybe we want to make a career out of it. We all want this community to be a huge guild where we all hang out, where advice is readily available and there are friends on hand to answer questions. We won't like everything we all make, but if X came up to me and showed me her latest creation and she loved it and she was so proud and she was grinning when she asked my opinion...what would I say? What would you say? I'd say 'wow - that's great'. And I'd mean it. Because it doesn't matter if I don't really like the fabrics, or the style of the design, or even the construction - it's not for me and unless someone asks me how to do things differently it's not my place to tell them they're doing it wrong. Nothing is wrong. 

We are all 'nowadays' quilters - whether we follow a more traditional or modern path. We are all passing our love of a craft on to the next generation. Let's help them embrace it, welcome them in, offer them support and encourage them. If they get a line of fabric or a book deal - let's celebrate that, because it's a pretty big deal for that person and it's something they are incredibly proud of.

Let's play nice.

122 comments:

Ruth said...

Well said.

Belinda said...

Well said Lady!
You raised a little tear in my eye.
xoxo

rachelmp said...

Great post!

Jacqui said...

I read a lot of blogs and I've been reading a lot about this nastiness too. I don't know if I'm particularly oblivious, or only read super-nice blogs, or live under a rock, but I haven't noticed it! What's your opinion, is it happening (in which case I'll remain blissfully ignorant) or more of an urban myth based on a few cases and misinterpretations?

Sarah@PingsAndNeedles said...

lovely post ...

I too have been reading eyes wide open mouth wide open recently! I love "we are all 'nowadays' quilters" I may have to adopt that.

BTW ... that is such a wonderful description of your husb ...

Whenever you're in Brighton, I'll pop the kettle on :)

Debbie said...

Nice - loved the part about the tats, I have them and LOVE them, they are art :) I don't think it's nastiness honestly, I think it's honesty...but like you said it's my opinion :) I love your last sentence - Hear Hear!!!

gill said...

Hear hear!

Nicole Follow the White Bunny said...

hear, hear! Well said Katy! x

Shevvy said...

Very well put - tats aren't my thing as the thought of the needles makes me cringe but I like looking at other peoples. Then again, I can't even stand contact lenses or watch people put them in, never ever will I wear them myself so I am a total wimp about some things!

I grew up with people that sound like your hubby, but really are as rough as they look!

There are so many of us new to this sewing interest with our own take on what we do and don't like and various skill levels. We aren't all massively creative or artistic or technically proficient yet, but we have fun and like sharing our interests. Nothing wrong with that in my book.

Concha said...

Great post, Katy! I'm all for tolerance too. I hate the gratuitous, often anonymous comments I and so many others sometimes get, and all this judging of people just because of how they look. I think nowadays a sort of so-called "honesty" seems to be more valued than being nice, polite and respecting the tastes and choices of others.

easternsparkle said...

Well written, Katy!! My son, now 21, said to me many years ago 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' which, at the time, was a very profound thing for him to say and totally out of his character at that time, but sometimes we all need to be reminded of that very old expression - live your life for you and not for others!!

badlandsquilts said...

Yes, yes SO AGREED...our community should be about support & encouragement.

Nicky said...

I thought that blogging was all about support etc and that's why I signed up for it. It is a bit disheartening that it's not all about that but sometimes people are maybe not as thoughtful about the remarks they make as they could be or possibly get taken in a way they did not mean. It's sad that there is that negative element though I have to say I think it is in the minority. Most of us play nice I think!

Hoola Tallulah said...

Blimey, agree with you wholeheartedly. Never judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes, then you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Still chuckling at you being a middle class southerner.
Btw, I (and am sure many others) am very envious of your tats and quite obvious style (didn't you even win an award for best dressed in leeds?!), for every ignoranus who turns their nose up you can bet there are a whole bunch of us wishing we were as funky a mama as yourself! Don't worry about what others think.
As for opinions, each to their own of course, but often a little tact and diplomacy goes a long way, hence I agree with your method of handling it!
<3

Rachel said...

Very well said!

Annabella said...

Well said.

Harlow Designs said...

Well said!
i have pretty much the same post on my blog too!
Everyone is different and have different tastes, no one whould be judged on who they are or what they do!!!!

grendelskin said...

THANK YOU. I'm tired of all of the agonizing (and vitriol) just lately. Since I took up quilting two years ago I've been gushing to anyone who'll listen about how open and welcoming this community is compared to many other special-interest communities, and I'd hate to regret saying that!

BTW, I have a few tattoos as well - little ones though. I still get the occasional scowl, as if my middle-aged, quilty Mom self had suddenly turned into a chopper-riding harlot. In my house the tattoo rule is: if you're of age and you pick a tattoo and still want the same design three years later, go ahead.

Sudi-Laura said...

Now I'm even more sad we didn't get to meet on person! It seems that people have found a way to be hurtful across the anonymous lines of the web. Clearly they were not raised as well as others of us were!!!

My tatoo just adds to the shock value of being mixed race, married to a white man with a dirty-blond haired white little boy! We'd fit in better on your side of the world I do believe.

Thank you for such an eloquent post!

RuthDesigns said...

Nice post Katy, live and let live!

Charlotte said...

Bravo!

If you're ever in London, I'll make a cuppa, and we can compare ink :-)

Goneaussiequilter said...

Very nice... I don't know the source what has caused all the uproar, but I just like things to be positive since this is something we chose to do, it's supposed to be fun!

Christina said...

Wonderfully stated! I'm blissfully unaware of the nastier goings on of late, but I've seen a few in the past. We all have different expectations of our part in the community and different things to offer, and they should be cause for celebration.
:)

Kate @SwimBikeQuilt said...

I'm glad you posted this. I wrote something up yesterday, not as articulate (love being late to pick kids up from school) but in the same vein. I had been trying not to engage in the debate, and finally decided that not saying anything was probably the same as being a bit nasty. I like the idea of nowadays quilters. :)

Jo @ a life in lists said...

I've remained fairly oblivious to all the blog chatter (blame the newborn), but I am SO with you on the tattoo thing - the number of random people who have informed me in no uncertain terms that I'll regret my tattoos when I'm older is astonishing! I just tell people I'll avoid craning my neck and/or looking at my back in mirrors a lot (mine are on my back).

ps: put some sneaky shots of yours on the blog, see how many easily alarmed readers you lose :D

anniem said...

Nicely said.

Sara said...

Expressing yourself should be liberating and not crushing--yes let's play nice! This is quilting, wrestling:)

Sara said...

I meant quilting *NOT* wrestling!

Manda said...

"Lets play nice"

Absolutely!

Susan C. said...

This is the second post like this I've seen today, and I'm happy to say I have no idea where the original nasty comments were started. I'm a new quilter, and I've been inspired by so many excellent blogs and flickr photos, and have felt nothing but accepted so far by this amazing online community. Thank you for posting this, so that if I were to stumble on a site that might made sideways comments about newbie quilters or the types of fabrics I'm drawn to, I'll know it's not the opinion of the entire community. :)

Angie said...

Yes!

Cass said...

Awesome post you said it all so well

rachel griffith said...

*applause*

{love you for writing this!!! well and just because i love my swanky friend. lol.}

Anonymous said...

IIt's been bothering me recenly, all those posts.
I don't have a blog- I can just about manage to keep a Flickr stream -, even though I click randomly on quite a few. Sometimes I don't like what I see, so I just won't visit again.
I know what I like, but I don't think everybody and their dog ought to like the exact same things.
Mind you, I do worry the quilting police will come round and issue me with a quilting ASBO whenever I post a photo of my efforts.
Live and let go.

Rosie (the boris daily)

bloominworkshop said...

Hear hear!! I agree with you wholeheartedly. I'm choosing to not follow these conversations going on and just keep sewing. And I love your seemingly "contradiction" with the tattoos. I hate stereotypes.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I wasn't very clear!
I do agree with you.
Live, let live and play nicely.
Rosie

Nellie's Niceties said...

Woohoo!! Well said Katy!

RosaMarĂ­a said...

very great post, love the kindness in your words!

restitcherator said...

I love this post Katy. I think what means the most to me about the online community we share is that we all have something in common. It's fulfilling to me to share my passion with others who feel the same. Truth be told, the minute I read something that smacks of "I'm better" or "you're wrong" I close the browser, delete the blog from my reader or "unfollow" the Tweeter.
There is enough bigotry, nastiness, anger and hatred in the world. I don't need any extra in my sewing room (or my head for that matter).
And not for nothin', I think your tattoos are gorgeous works of art.

{april two eighty} said...

thankyou for this post, katy. i agree whole heartedly and can relate completely!!

Valerie said...

That was perfect, and I'll admit it makes me realize that I need to take a look in the mirror myself (as far as judging real life people by their covers, I don't tweet or the like).

Thanks :)

SarahB said...

Wonderful post! Aren't we all doing this because we enjoy it? So we should all act nice to each other! End of story!

I haven't seen the original meanness thankfully, but I've heard of very nice people being hurt in recent months and that makes me sad. I try to send nice notes to the nice people and not dig for the original source of pain because that will just make me feel worse.

Jolene said...

Yes!! You are so right! This whole thing has been bothering me. I wish I'd never read ANY of it. The sad fact is, that if I get upset about the supposedly 'nasty' people, then I'm doing the same thing they are. Which would be judging them from one comment they made.

Thanks for your real and honest post. Your description of you and your hubs was a great example. And how much more are we all misjudged or misunderstood on the net where we're only known by photos and words!

Mama Bear said...

Very well said lady! Never judge a book by it's cover. (To be cliche.) I don't like mean people. At least you and many others understand the true meaning of these communities...support.

Megan said...

Very well done Katy. You know where I stand on this. Nastiness makes my hair stand on end and my mama bear claws come out. I'm hoping people are going to not only realize their nastiness is not only not welcome, but also open their minds.

Rachel Locke said...

Very well said Katy. Where would the inspiration be if we all liked the same things?

RWL said...

omg THANK YOU. i'm so sick of talking about all this and all the ridiculousness that comes with it. we do what we like because we like it. 'nuff said! xoxo

Heleen Groot said...

Well said! Love to see you post some of your "ink" pictures! Might even do a Tattoo quilt one day! The internet is not a place for being nasty. There are bullies enough in the "real" world.

Meg said...

Katy, if I didn't love you already, I would now. I'm in the same boat on so many levels, and you've so eloquently said much of what's been going round in my head all week. From one inked quilter to another, thanks!

Paloma said...

Yes, please!! let's play nice!! It get even more awkward when all the meanness and intolerance is learned by the next generation. Wow! it feel like in some way my week relates to yours. Hugs!

susan said...

Thank you for that post. I have seen some of the slagging off going on online - especially about different fabric lines. What on earth is that all about?! If you don't like it, don't buy it. It is that simple. What makes one person's preferences better than anothers? Nothing. Do your own things, enjoy it, share the joy and live your life. And be true to yourself.

Julie Phillips, aka Julieloveslucy SCS said...

You are so right on! It's been said that kids are mean to each other in school. Yes, that's sad but true and an even sadder truth is that adults act like children, worse actually. My daughter is heavily tattooed and has been shown predjudice every day practically for it. It really steams me when people judge others just for being different. I use oxygen 24/7 because of an autoimmune disorder and I've seen the same predjudice for that. Good Grief! Live and let live and be nice.

Connie said...

Have been disheartened lately by all the "downer" posts. I'm better now -- on with quilting!!!

Amy said...

(applause)

tweal said...

Yes! I love this post, thank you for sharing it. It's such a shame that people are so quick to judge. I'm always surprised when tattooed and pierced people still get a hard time - it's not really a new thing anymore, I'd think people would be used to it! Apparently not.

Belle + Bee said...

I'm clearly missing something...and whatever it is, I'm glad I'm missing it. I've read a lot of similar posts recently, but am apparently not involved in whatever segments of the "community" are being so nasty. And thank goodness! I like my quiet, little, oblivious world!
And I LOVE, "nowadays"! It's PERFECT:)

rderrett said...

Spot on! I refuse to judge others because it is all too easy to get things wrong.
I live on a very rough estate that is peopled with generally good and decent people. I too am university educated, very intelligent and apparently middle class but there are always people who judge me on my size and my walking stick without knowing anything about me.

As for the trolling that is endemic on the web, irrespective of craft. Some of the things I've seen written have been downright venal. As for me, if I don't like something, I don't buy it. Simple logic. Then again I was raised with the adage, If you can't sat anything nice, then say nothing at all. It's very true and something to live by

two hippos said...

you couldn't have said it better! x

littlemissmk said...

loved this post. well said. and i think your tattoos are rad! (this coming from a girl way too wimpy to ever get one! eek- needles!)

monda-loves said...

I think I must be oblivious to all this bitching too.

I read something on twitter the other day re the whole Donald Trump/Barack Obama thing. Someone tweeted, 'don't hate all Americans, we don't have share Donald Trump's opinion'.
Effectively, don't tar us all with the same brush. I liked it.

My general thought is this: If you can't say something good, then don't say anything at all*

*unless someone asks for, and is prepared to take some honest feedback and constructive criticism which is designed to help that person find their way with something.

oh, and I know a man very like the way you described your husbeast. He is always judged as being a big hard nut, but really he's just a big softie and a lovely lovely man.

happy zombie said...

I just bumped you to the top of my prison-bitch wish list. Woman - you are so amazing and smart and kind and inspiring and thoughtful and encouraging. YOU are exactly what our wonderful community is about. From the first time blogger to the seasoned blogger - from the person who rarely uses social media to the person who crashes their twitter from over use… YOU are the face of our wonderful community. THANK YOU for speaking up and spreading the love. XXXOOO

Julie said...

Well said! Live and let live.

Kristen said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Feeling the love Katy! :) xo

Megan said...

Excellent post!

Poppyprint said...

Indeed! I've been saying lately that doing the splits between modern and traditional quilting for a few years has left me feeling rather tired...I'm hoping we can all come together and just piece out over our love of cutting up fabric and sewing it back together again.

trudys_person said...

I love the term "nowadays" quilters! It's inclusive ... I've been doing the splits too. I like precision piecing too much to be totally modern ... and 30s repro fabrics ... Go quilters!!

Shelley said...

You make some marvelous observations here. Somehow, people tend to think only their opinion counts and they can tell everyone else that they are right and others are wrong. They have forgotten that being "different" is what keeps us growing. Great artists and thinkers did not fit into the molds of society. And we all benefitted from it. Thanks for the post, sometimes we need to be reminded that it's okay to be who we are and not a carbon copy of someone else.

Blueberry Park said...

I've been away most of the week and have come back to a lot of comments and posts about this kinda thing. I have clearly missed something while I have been away! But am in full agreement with you Katy about preserving our wonderful community and playing nice. Well said x

Lindsay Conner said...

I agree.

Cathy said...

I get stares because of my son--he's severely autistic but he "looks normal". (I hate that when people say that!) So I'm used to stares and the judgements and negative comments that sometimes come with them...I don't understand why people feel they have the right to openly judge others. About parenting, quilting or whatever.
--Cathy A.

liz said...

Amen sister! And I'm sorry you and your dh get judged on your physical appearance. So wrong... Sounds like you are strong and have good coping skills though.
And thanks so much for sharing your talent and ideas on your blog. It's one of my faves!!

LJ said...

Katy, you rock!! Always and forever. xoxo

alobsiger said...

Live and let live, make your own kinda quilts, play in fabric and get covered in threads or tattoos. What happy zombie said, loved your post! Someone asked me today at work if I went to a concert last night because they thought the tattoo on my hand was a club stamp. Gosh, I don't have the kind of fun that includes a club and a hand stamp....

Mama Spark said...

I blogged about something along this line too. I wonder how Rachel feels about starting all of this!!??

Kaye Prince said...

You already know that I totally agree with you! And from one tattooed sister to another (people are always shocked when they find out I have a couple) - you rock so hard!

Lorraine said...

Yes to all of that ... thanks for putting it out there Katy xx

Angie said...

Amen!! lets post that everywhere!

Lisa Marie said...

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Even though I'm a pink haired, tattooed atheist and the word "amen" is never spoken by my lips)
:)
I'm a new follower of your blog and I have to say, I'm so glad that I did! I love and agree with everything that you said. Thank you for SAYING IT!

The Tulip Patch said...

Call me the love child of Rodney King and Pollyanna, but can't we all just get along? People who have experienced REAL sadness in REAL life don't need or want to have it extend to something that's supposed to be a hobby like quilting.

Danielle said...

THANK YOU! Finally, a post about all this crapo that I agree with!

the messy nest said...

Love :)

Thank you for making a fabulous point!
XoX
Your fellow stitcher, artist, writer, highly educated - stay at home tattooed mom who's been married for 20 years to a 6 foot five burly cuddle bug who also loves quiet nights in playing games with our kids :)

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

Thanks Katy.

Jona said...

Precisely!!! I'll probably never have a tattoo but I really do love yours. Ours is such a sweet community and I'd hate to see it get bitchy. Perfect post.

karenfae said...

I don't know where all the nastiness is coming from, I guess I'm not reading the "right" blogs :) the only thing I have heard a lot of bitchiness is when people tell others that they should only bu designer cloth from quilt shops only! that one there gets me as I so disagree with that. As for all the other nastiness that I have been reading about lately I'm glad I have missed it.
One very good quilter in my group has tats and I must say she does get the looks now and then - but she gets a lot "wows" for her quilts.
Karen
http://karensquilting.com/blog/

CaraQuilts said...

Well said! We need to remember this is a hobby! Not the end of the world and if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. Being so negative is what makes people unhappy, focus on what you do like!

Jennifer O. said...

Katy,

I have been hearing about all the buzz over the nastiness on twitter and now a few blogs that I follow are raving about it. I am like most and have not a clue of what is was about or how it even started. I am I glad that I missed it...yeah I am. I am mot sticking up for this person but I know first hand how something that you say on a real context can be taken the wrong way. So what I have learned from my mistake is to say positive and up beat even when it is tiring to do so. FYI: I am not a fake. I will compliment some one if I like their work and keep my thoughts to myself if I do not. I try to keep my blog upbeat but on a real scale at the same time. And yes, it does get tiring to be that way but that is what a lot of readers expect. for most folks it is the get away from everything negative going on in their lives.
I agree with a ton of folks here who have said repeatedly: if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it, and you do not have to buy it (what ever it is that got designed).
But anyway thank you for sharing the point about you tatoos and your family Katy. Do you ever get any compliments on your tatoos? I myself have one that goes across my lower back and I have gotten a lot of compliments over the years. The only thing about it is I wish there was another name for it in stead of it is called here in the States:tramp stamp or ass antlers. Sigh...some people. I got ine done before it was givin those lovely titles.
Take care Katy and thanks for sharing!
Jennifer O.

Sarah Craig said...

Well said!! I think that people have become so used to being anonymous on the internet that they will say something unkind thinking that there are no repercussions. IF you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!! (Mother was right!)

SewCalGal said...

Excellent post. Play nice. Share kind and encouraging words. Inspire. Be a good example.
I agree 100% with all you shared. Thank you!

SewCalGal
www.sewcalgal.blogspot.com

Debbie said...

Excellent words! Thank you.

Melody said...

Great post and so very true.

lifeinredshoes said...

Shit! I'm one of those people that judge you by your tattoos! Not you personaly but others.
I am sorry, I am wrong, ( and you don't hear those words out of my mouth very often!)
Please accept my apology, I am judgemental, and I'm going to work on that.

QUILT ON!!!!

quiltygal said...

Oh AMEN Katy..When my girls were teenagers my house was always filled with long haired tattooed pierced individuals who were all lovely polite kids...my tattooed,tattoist daughter is the most old fasioned moralistic person I know ( I get told off by her!!) I'm sure when people meet me they think I am one way by mt appearance but inside I'm a rebel !! I have inside tatts !!
I hat eit when people judge all one group from the actions of some...as for quilting you would know that I am not a "modern" quilter I like traditional patterns & fabric that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate what you & others like you do..Its just not what I would have we should all just live & let live if someone wants to spend years hand making a quilt good on them if someone else wants to "whip" one up in an afternoon well good on them....its a big world....room for everyone

Catherine said...

very well said. I have recently been reading some blogs, where some not nice things have been said, even though sometimes the blogger has tried to disguise it as something else - the end result is still the same. People blog because they like to share what they have done and see what others have done, not so that they can be shot down or made to feel a failure

patchworkdelights said...

Gosh well I for one am glad that you wrote on the subject because as I am not an advanced experienced quilter but a huge fan of it I am always hesitant about saying too much about little bits of work I have made in case I am wrong or it's not the "proper way" or I don't feel qualified to really say anything but you know what my friends like my stuff, my biggest fans (hubby and kids) never CRITICISE any pieces of work that I make and that means the world to me b/c I know I'll never meet any of these opiniated people in my lifetime! Let them talk they are only letting themselves down to be honest!

andsewtosleep said...

Wow - this has jolted me out of my blogging coma!!What a post. Last year my daughter had a tattoo (on her foot). I went into shock - stupid now I know. She is just the same, beautiful, clever, creative and free-spirited girl - but somehow I thought she had 'marked' herself and would be judged. It took me a few days to realise that I was the one doing the 'judging'. Big lesson learned by me. Well done you - and I believe your children are lucky to have Mum who is her own person and prepared to speak out for what she believes in. PS Love your blog - I'm always lurking in xx

Kate said...

You all have me stumped, I must be surrounding myself only with amazing bloggers and friends. I have never even seen one negative comment come through for me or about others. I am sorry to hear there is this back door sadness going on. I think we all have to move forward and be reminded how little time we all have left on this planet. I love those around me with all of my heart. I love your note even though it sounded like you are sad and have to justify who you are. love kate

Hollie said...

Bravo! Well said!

Helen said...

Great post - I'm always positive about things that people make, even when it's not something I would choose to make - we're all different and yet the same (I think it's a very human desire to be part of the crowd and yet stand out from them at the same time - we long to belong but be defined as 'me'). We all love to receive compliments for things we are proud of, why wouldn't I treat other people as I wish to be treated? I heartily agree that many (but not all - I'm fortunate to know some very lovely people...my friend calls them "street saints"!) people making snap judgements about the way people look and live their lives - I have a chronic illness and have lost count of the times people have said 'you look fine'. I may look fine at a glance but if you knew me you'd know I was doing a good cover up and just because I'm not languishing on the settee doesn't mean I'm faking my illness...I think the thing I'm going to take from several posts I've read recently is how much bloggers appreciate comments, even if they already have 25! I'm going to try to be less reticent and leave more comments, even if it's just one sentence (unlike this monster - apologies if it doesn't quite make sense but my last bit of energy has just trickled out of my big toe!).

Ros Made Me said...

Interesting post. I think that often, what is written can be misconstrued by the reader as you do not have the advantage of hearing or seeing the body language that goes with the the thoughts. And the other sad thing is that people forget that what they post will be there forever... like spiteful words uttered they can never be taken back.

So I try to live by my mother's maxim, "if you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Tezzcan said...

I totally agree with what you said, one of my favourite sayings is 'If you can say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
The only thing is, now when you're at the Festival of Quilts coming up to asking to see your tatoo's. lol
I have a tiny one on my hip but nearly passed out when I had it done (such a wimp) but I love seeing everyone else's.

Mandalin said...

You nailed it lady! The world has enough nastiness in it, and it'll stay that way unless we make an effort. The simplest and easiest thing we can do, is be nice to each other!

Kara said...

Beautiful.

Wendi said...

I like it....very well said! I'm all for support and encouragement.

meli B said...

You hit the nail on the head! I blog and I make and I love the support I get from my bloggy friends. I know some people don't get it but I just don't care.

Shanna said...

Agreed!! I truly don't understand how people can be so mean, especially grown women who are supposed to know better. Thank you for posting about this!

Lexi said...

Thank you for your post Katy.

I am a keen follower of your blog, albeit anonymously, and love all that you have to offer. I am shocked to find that I was surprised by your descriptions of you and your husband because I don't often give a thought to how people look via their blogs. I think with blogging we are lulled into the thought that the everyone looks like us and is the same as us. I am very glad however, that no one is like me because that would be totally boring! Without everyone elses personalities offering us alternative ideas, how would we grow and discover what we like?
I applaud you Katy for making me take a look at myself. I am sorry I was surprised and apparently closed minded. Often we miss out on the truly spectacular in life if we remain so.

Yours respectfully,
Lexi

Miss Pelicano said...

I've modestly but very joyfully joined this craft community which we share on the net and I'm always so impressed at everything people, evryone, is doing! Like you say, we don't have to like everything we see, and not everyone likes what I do, but just the fact that people ARE MAKING stuff is so inspiring to me! even some people who have jobs outside the home, and kids to take care of, and everything else , people are still finding the time and energy and creativity to make things with their hands. I truly believe that the fact that we do have this community gives us even more of that push we need to cary on. We get inspiration, advice, tutorial etc from so many makers who blog about their stuff. I never see the point of those nasty comments which I've read in different blogs. Everyone should be proud of what they make and everyone does inspire everyone else! Great you posted this! Barbara

Molly said...

Wow, who knew? I'd never have guessed about the tats, but now I want to see them. I'm forever stopping the people who come into my job, to get a closer look at their decorations.
I must only like to read the blogs of the polite crafters. Please keep being you, I love to come visit and see what you're up to.

Amelia said...

Hear hear Katy!! I agree wholeheartedly :)

Little Miss Shabby said...

Oh Katy--this was a truly wonderful post! =)

Sue said...

Well said, Katy. We need to celebrate the diversities of our quilting community.

The Calico Cat said...

Hmmm
I am
a. living under a rock,
b. naieve,
c. not reading those blogs, &
d. much more enamoured with flickr - I am visual. Which is why I can make this comment:
Don't I recall seeing your tats on this here blog? (Sewing stuff - stork scissors & the like)

I do have a question though - how are those blocks that other people are making for your scrap vomit lining up? With so many seams...
(Officially I questioned this out loud on Thomases blog too.) I'd be so worried about the cutting differences, sewing machine differences, scant vs. full 1/4 inch seams, etc.

bearpaw said...

Very well said! And amother sack full of comments that I will stop myself from reading as I am at work! I love your descriptions of you and your husband and the whole judging by appearences issue. When my son was about 12 he had his hair cut in a mohican at the barbers. I thought he looked really cute and he went to the sort of school that encouraged individuality so there was no problem there, but when I was out with him we got stared at so much! I used to think 'why are these people staring at us?' and then I'd look at Jacob and think 'ahhh, of course'. They clearly were thinking all the stuff you must get all the time. This is just an age old human problem and unlikely to change any time soon, sigh.
Great post though, lets hope we can put all this stuff to bed now and get on with the important stuff like 'Sharing'!

oversewn said...

Love love love it Katy!!! Yay for tattoo'd nowaday quilters!! We are an awesome group, no?
:)

Heartsdesire said...

I agree! With everything that you said. I look to the online quilt community for inspiration, wisdom, the wonderful tutorials that people offer and friendship. If we don't happen to like something, so what. We don't have to make that pattern, we don't have to choose that line of fabric. We can do what makes us happy. If someone wants to sell a simple pattern, then so be it. There are lots of quilters out there who are making quilts for the first time and appreciate something simple. Even experienced quilters sometimes look for something simple. I think these negative bloggers have too much time on their hands. BTW, I'm almost 70 and wish I had tatoos on my arms, maybe even my ankles.

April (Polkadot Sparrow) said...

Go Tattooed Mama, go! Honestly, I'm more wary of people who try so hard to fit in with "normal" than people who do what makes them happy. "Normaltown" is where the world's scariest people are bred, if you ask me. ;)

And AMEN about the whole "we're all just quilters together" thing.

Jeanette said...

Well said. I also know what you mean about the tattoo's. I get looked at with contempt because i have tatt's & piercings. I'm just your average mum who is "normal". I do wish people wouldn't judge & be nasty about anything. Happy Stitching,

wishes, true and kind said...

Very well said! Thank you for speaking up and -- like Monica -- keeping it polite and positive!

Mystica said...

Beautifully said! no one did it better.

Margaret said...

Best post so far on this topic :)

HollyM said...

I just jumped here from Lucy and Norman. while I blog (just for fun) I've never had anything negative said yet. I totally agree with everything you said right down to the tattoos. I just got a rather large one on my leg and I'm 55 with a 5 year education and a pretty boring boring life.

Lola said...

I just found your blog through Nicole's, and as a noob to the online crafting community I would like to say thank you for giving me the hope that we're all out of high school and away from the pettiness of it all. And although my boyfriend and I barely see each other outside of the house, our nightly dates in front of the tv with bowls of jelly and custard are enough for us!

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